I will die if light touches me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
