I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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