My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
