she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Your tits are I can't wait for
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
