you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
