waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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