you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
