i already hear my dad disowning me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
