The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Of course I have a pirate flag
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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