Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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