So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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