Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize