you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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