Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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