I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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