piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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