: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
