oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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