It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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