Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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