I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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