Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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