I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
