Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize