Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
