woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
