We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
