thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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