He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
