Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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