Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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