Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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