Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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