I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
