you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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