i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i drank out of a bidet.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
