ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
