I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
