i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
