Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen