Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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