everyone is single if you try hard enough
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis