no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.