Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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