I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
