So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
