You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
