If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....