umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.