I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
