Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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