I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't deserve a penis
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.