made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups