the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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