me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
