i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
