they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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