I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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