Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i think i have herpe
just one?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
