I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
