Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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