I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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