problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i drank out of a bidet.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
