We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so that wasnt chicken after all
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
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she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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