so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
