hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
