I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
