we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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