no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
