worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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