Dual....:-)
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
